Oh How He loves Us

As Christmas approaches, I have been crazy busy as it seems most of us are in anticipation of the holidays- shopping for gifts, decorating, wrapping, baking, etc. There is just so much to be done at this time of year. It is easy for me to get wrapped up in the stress and forget the purpose of it all- celebrating the birth of Jesus. He is the reason for this season of celebration, but it seems He often gets left out and forgotten- even by those of us (myself included) who want to keep Him at the center.

Today I am staying at home all day in an attempt to bring order to the chaos of both my home and heart. This morning I've been listening to a song that really gripped me recently. So often I become discouraged by my own failures and shortcomings and this song reminds me that God knows all about me and loves me anyway. In fact He loves you and me so much that He sent His Son, Jesus to earth to live the life that we could never live and die the death that we should have died. That is what we are celebrating at Christmas- the birth of a Savior. He saves us from sin and saves us from ourselves! Now with my faith and trust in Him, I am free to live by His grace a life of love. The cry of my heart is that you too will know His love for you and be embraced by His grace and peace this Christmas!

"God loved the people of this world so much that he gave his only Son, so that everyone who has faith in him will have eternal life and never really die." John 3:16 (CEV)

"We consider Christmas as the encounter, the great encounter, the historical encounter, the decisive encounter, between God and mankind. He who has faith knows this truly; let him rejoice." Pope Paul VI

The Good vs. The Best

Lately we have fallen into the all too easy to slip into craziness of American living. One of the parts of living in France that I loved was the slower pace and the enjoyment of people and relationships. The time spent conversing around the table and over glasses of wine- I had begun to miss that as my very American family began to be involved in ever so many things. Last week I don't think we sat down to one meal together at home but had to grab food around town fitting dinnertime in between meetings and lessons. I had begun to prioritize time spent together around a meal but what do you do when good things begin to crowd your priorities out of the picture? Church on Wednesdays? Elder meetings? Ballet lessons? French lessons? Well, I decided to be the first one to take a stand against the craziness. I dropped my French class. This was not an easy decision to make as I really want to continue to learn French and especially to practice so that I don't forget what I have already learned. It was such a nice getaway, that French class... D would meet me in town and pick up the girls and I would stay for class all by myself! This is really a treat- to get to do something just for me without the kids. It was so nice to converse with adults about the regions of France and to practice my French with a real teacher who wasn't afraid to correct me. But this getaway contributed to the crazy pattern that had begun to steal away all of our time together as a family. Sure D fed and bathed them, and I came home to the kids almost or already in bed which was WONDERFUL, but someone had to stop the madness. After all there are only 5 nights in the work week. We prioritize church on Wednesday nights and the ballet lessons that we could afford happen to be on Tuedays at 6:00 which definitely infringes on dinnertime at 7:00 but I will just plan a crock pot meal for Tuesdays and we will have to eat out on Wednesdays or eat at home either super early or late. In general, I want us to eat good food together as a family every night. This is what I looked forward to when D traveled the world for 3 year- I looked forward to the time when he would actually be home and we could all be together as a family. So now, apparently, it is up to us to guard this time somehow and begin to say "no"- something that neither of us like to do. We want to prioritize family time in the evenings and also opening our home to others. This week we had the pleasure of having one of D's colleagues from France with us for dinner one evening. We absolutely LOVE to entertain and hang out with our friends, but when we allow ourselves to become so busy, there is no margin to fit anyone else into. I decided that instead of trying to keep up my French in a class of American women trying to speak French, it would be a better use of my time to actually invest in relationships with French people. This whole time and energy balance thing is getting more and more real to me as I get older. I would love to hear some of your stories and comments about how to maintain family time that seems to get crowded out by all kinds of good things. I believe that the health of the marriage and family is vital to the health of the kids, so I really want to find this balance in involvement in good things (church and extracurricular activities) and family life.

It's Better When It's French

Those of you who have lived with me know how much I appreciate funny commercials. I crack up pretty easily at commercials, in fact. In France they only show commercials between the programs which is really nice as you don't actually waste so much time watching commercials. But alas, without a DVR in this country, I find myself watching lots of commercials again, hence the appreciation for funny ones. Lately Hardees has some racy commercials which I do not endorse for the whole family, but I have to admit, there are a couple of pretty funny ones. I think the most recent one is especially funny as it addresses the American opinion of France and the French. It seems to me that many Americans consider it very romantic to go to or live in France. It is humorous to me that not only do the adjectives "European" and "French" sell luxury items in America, they sell hamburgers as well! The commercial features several English nouns which exist alone and also exist with the prefix "French" forming a new proper name in English (ex. french toast, french maid, french kiss). The new nouns that are formed when the word "French" is added, along with the accent of the person narrating the commercial, seem to show that Americans think that the word "French" is a synonym for sexy and, I guess, sexy sells. The slogan of this ad for the Hardee's "French Dip" is "It's better when it's French". You'll need to pause the music first and then click on the Hardee's link above to see the recent commercials. The first two crack me up. Hope you enjoy.

Legacy

The girls have started using new names for each other, and I think they are much more fun than using initials to refer to them, so I am introducing Sissy and CatCat on my blog today. I love being their mommy but from time to time I struggle with the mundaneness of the tasks of motherhood. Who doesn't? But today I am reminded that they are my legacy- hopefully not my only legacy, but they are the ones I will most likely have the most impact on in my lifetime. That's a weighty truth, isn't it? God knows I will screw up, albeit unintentionally, as I mother them. I pray though that they will know to whom they ultimately belong, that they will rest in and receive the perfect love that the Father offers them, and with it bless the world around them. They certainly bless me everyday. The words to this song, especially the chorus, really struck me as I was listening to it in the car the other day and pondering the brevity of life.

I want to leave a legacy
How will they remember me?
Did I choose to love? Did I point to You enough
To make a mark on things?
I want to leave an offering
A child of mercy and grace who
blessed your name unapologetically
And leave that kind of legacy

When I get caught up in the mundanenss of the everyday, my perspective is skewed because I am not seeing my life as part of the bigger picture. I really want my occupation in life to be bringing glory to God wherever I am. I really do want to bless His name unapologetically because He is worthy of all the honor and praise and glory that I can give and way, way more than that. But I am asking myself lately, "Is my life really bringing glory to the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords?" "Not enough" is the response that will always answer that question because He is worthy of so much more than just my life, so I pray that the lives that I leave behind will bring Him more glory after mine is finished. Do you know what blesses me beyond measure? - when I hear Sissy and CatCat in the backseat singing "How Great Is Our God" or "Mighty to Save", hearing Sissy tell her memory verse for the week, "Tell people everywhere about Jesus." Matthew 28:19, and listening to her pray every night for our friends in France to come to know Jesus. I am blessed by God with those two little girls but I am blessed for the purpose of being a blessing. Now there's a seriously weighty truth!

"God blesses us (in order) that all the ends of the earth may fear Him."
Psalm 67:7

The Coconut and the Peach

Before we moved to France in 2005, Michelin provided us, along with the other soon to be expat couples, with a "cultural training" day. The title of this seminar was "Thriving in France", and this training was supposed to prepare us for cross-cultural living and the cultural differences that we would encounter in France. I was nine months pregnant with SA at the time and it was a whirlwind of a day, so I am sure that I forgot lots of things that would have been helpful, but I was pretty interested in this training that was specific to helping Americans prepare to live in France as I was in the middle of finishing my master's degree in Intercultural Studies at the time. I remember comparing American and French expressions and often quoted quotes which indicated values commonly held in each culture. I also remember one of our French instructors telling me about Picard where I could get "good surgeles" (already prepared frozen food). I am not sure if she knew the shock and exhaustion that I would experience when faced with the necessity of cooking more than I ever had in my entire life with no boxes or cans but entirely from scratch, but I was glad to know about stores like Picard while I was in France.

The thing that stuck with me from this class the most though was an analogy that was used to describe relationship building in each culture. Our instructors compared building relationships within the French culture to a coconut and building relationships in American culture (especially the South) to a peach. A coconut has a hard shell but once you "get in" it is full of sweet milk and fruit. (Is coconut a fruit?) Our instructors emphasized that it takes time to develop relationships in the French culture and advised us on tips like the gift giving that is important when you are invited into a French home and that being invited to someone's home is a really big deal. Once you have been invited you are "in" so to speak at least in terms of the coconut. During our time in France we enjoyed spending hours around the table of our home or the homes of our friends and enjoying meals together. It was often around the table that great discussions happened and relationships were built. Now we are back in peach country so to speak- where it is easy to get in but hard to go deep. It seems that Americans have many relationships on a superficial level so that even when you spend time together in each other's homes you can remain at the surface level longer- especially in the South where everyone is just nice. You can have polite conversations for hours and never really get past that hard peach pit. It seems frustrating to me right now, but I know that it all just takes time. I wonder how many meals we will share together before we are relationally at the point of sharing the first meal together in France? It is so strange to be back in my own country and have to adjust to my own culture all over again.

Franklin on the Fourth

My girls experienced their very first fourth of July in America this year! We spent a fun filled weekend in Franklin with Nini, Poppy, Aunt S, Uncle P, and the cousins which included pedicures and shopping for the mommies, coffee and reading time for the daddies, a double date night for the "young couples", ice cream, swimming and trampoline time for the cousins, and lots of good food and fireworks. We stumbled upon Franklin's main street celebration on Saturday and enjoyed the ambience and a pony ride as well. We made good memories and had a great time together! It is good to be back home.

Mighty To Save

I have been struggling to find joy in every day lately. In fact, some days I struggle to find joy at all. I know that this isn't the way that Christians are supposed to live. What kind of reflection of Christ is that to the world? Well, it's not a reflection of Christ; it's more a reflection of my failure and weakness. Thanks be to God, that He loves me in the midst of my failures and that HE made provision for me- in Jesus. You see, Jesus' death on the cross not only secured my pardon for sin that would separate me from God eternally after my death, it also provided the ability for me to live life to the fullest with Him in the here and now. He said, "I came so that everyone would have life, and have it in its fullest"(John 10:10). So, I am contending for the joy and the peace that I know is mine in Christ. You see that's what He promised us. He said it is His peace that He gives us- it's not the same as the peace that the world has- the peace that turns to panic in time of trial (as I often do). In John 14:27 Jesus said, "I give you peace, the kind of peace that only I can give. It isn't like the peace that this world can give. So don't be worried or afraid." The book of Isaiah says, "You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you!" I desperately need this peace in these times of stress and difficulty and in this world of sorrow and pain. Right now I am choosing to trust Him and to look to Him, because I desperately need what He has to offer. Jesus said that we need to be joined to Him or to remain in Him. This is a daily decision, and He said, "I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete" (John 15:11). Lord, fill me today with your peace and with your joy. I need you, Lord, and I want the world to grasp the reality of who You Are- the true giver of life, joy, purpose, and meaning in life.

Watch this testimony of a girl I went to school with. She knows what she's singing about!

Mother's Day 2009

Le Renouvellement de la Cuisine est Demarré!

Et je suis contente! (The kitchen remodeling has begun,and I am happy!) My lights from my favorite store, "La Maison de Campagne" are hung, and as of today I have a farm sink with a Belle Foret oil rubbed bronze faucet. So, basically, the kitchen is starting its transformation, and hopefully I will begin my own as well. There is just something about being comfortable in one's own kitchen- loving the decor and moving around with ease because it just feels like home. I have admitted to everyone that I HATED the kitchen in the house that we bought and only agreed to buy the house on the condition that we wrapped a redecorating budget into the deal. So, we wrapped what I thought was a generous amount for remodeling into the deal and then I found out that actually everything is more expensive than I thought. Luckily, my father-in-law rocks and he helped us out on modifying both our island and sink cabinet and installing the sink. You see the key to my dream kitchen is the french country farmhouse look, and while I have compromised on many areas of the redecorating/ remodeling, I really wanted a farm sink. So, today, I got my dream sink installed. I know that sounds ridiculous, but it is key to achieving the look that I want for my kitchen- the look that will remind me of my fond memories of my house in the french countryside, and all that I learned while I lived there about cooking and enjoying life around the table. Take a look at these "before" pictures.










So while things are changing slowly they are changing surely. We got lights up, my island looks better as we took the doors off of one side in order to make a bookshelf for my cookbook collection, and today my sink and faucet were installed. We still have a long way to go with the walls, cabinets, and countertops, but it feels good to be on the way to a new kitchen that I know I will love! Here are the pictures that I took today:

On a Positive Note

In May there is a fresh produce market on Saturday mornings in downtown Greenville! I am way excited about going to check it out today. Hoping that it will be a shopping experience akin to our weekly market in Billom. I really miss that. I am so looking forward to the produce stands opening up around here too. I get tired of always having to go into a bigger supermarket to buy things- seems like I am always drawn to buy things other than just what we "need" - or I keep thinking, "I bet we are almost out of this or that and then what was supposed to be a 5 minute trip ends up being a 20-30 minute trip. But, wait, I am determined to remain positive. So, here goes:

10 Positive things about living back in the States:
1. Living close to family
2. South Carolina weather rocks! Sunshine most of the year is great!
3. I love my front porch swing!
4. SA is in a wonderful school where they are helping me to instill in her a love for God, His Word, and His world.
5. The language barrier has greatly diminished (although I do still have difficulties at times with "HoneaPAthese" ex. Do y'all understand the expression "Coming up a cloud"?
6. We have Target! And Old Navy!
7. We have Chick Fil A!
8. The Sportsclub has childcare!
9. Cooking in America is easier- recipes in English, ingredients readily found, etc.
10.D gets home around 5:00

There! See, and you all thought I couldn't be so positive!

Seasons

Spring rains are here. The Carolina jasmine is blooming along my back deck and the camelia is blooming in front of the front porch. Stripping wallpaper, painting a porch swing, and unpacking boxes have been my activities of late. I finally found the hardware to a very important wardrobe that I hope will bring organization to the playroom (which at present looks like it was hit by a tornado). How in the world will this task of unpacking and settling in ever be finished and everything in its place? Will everything ever have its own place? I hope so, because I think my heart will be more settled when all of our belongings are more settled as well.

Today I went to talk with SA's class about France. They sampled a baguette and some French cheeses. We sang "Frere Jacques" and I introduced them to the names of the colors and some farm animals in French. It was a short introduction to French, but it was fun to see SA proudly tell her class the names ofthe colors in French. Just yesterday we were listening to a CD (in French) and she asked me what they were singing about. I told her in French and she asked me to explain in English. Then while wating for an appointment she was playing with her French laptop that she played wtih for hours on end after Christmas before the move. This time she became frustrated because she didn't understand a game. She is forgetting already and it breaks my heart. I know that it will come back later when she begins to study or hang out with French people again, but I can't help but be sad. It is such a gift to be able to speak another language and I don't want her to lose the ability that she had. Everyone says that this is bound to happen when one returns to an English speaking country, but I guess I was hoping that it wouldn't happen to us.

I have just been opening every unopened box in search of the hardware for the wardrobe and as I was opening and going through boxes and boxes of stuff I came across a champagne cork in my jewelry. It is the cork of the champagne that we drank at the hospital after CG was born. A friend of mine who is a sage femme (midwife) came to visit me and when she learned of my "dechire" (tear) she smiled and said that CG was like "le petit bouchon du champagne" (champagne cork), so I kept this cork because it reminds me of my friend and of CG's birth. There are so many memories that we have of "la France" but it really seems like a dream now. We were just there 2 months ago but now we are here and everything is so completely different. I can't help but miss the familiar (never thought I would think of France as the familiar) and the home where SA lived from 6 mos to almost four and CG from 0-16 mos. I was a stranger there, but that little town and that little house endeared itself to me over the years. The neighbors were kind to me and we made some very good friends there.

This week we got word that our very kind next door neighbor passed away. He was the one who helped me when I got locked out of the house with SA in the house (see this post). He gave me a beautiful bone-handled pocket knife and told me that every good Auvergnate should have a pocket knife, so as I have been opening my boxes I have been thinking of him. His health started to deteriorate at the end of 2007, but he and his wife still always watched from their living room window and waved to us as SA rode her bike on the tennis court across the street from their house. He even walked over with his oxygen tank this past summer in order to help us with a plumbing problem. Before the move he became bed-ridden along with his wife and they called me a couple of times for help. We visited with them before we left and D prayed for them. He was such a kind man. He had seen many seasons of life, and he was God's provision in my life on several occasions. I am impressed by the importance of relationships today and how we touch one another's lives over the days, weeks, months, and years. I miss my home in France this week- my friends, and yes, even the language. It was a season of life for which I am grateful. Because of those relationships, I see the world differently. Because of that experience I hope that I am more full of grace with others.

Toe Troubles and other Woes

So we were enjoying the lovely weather and taking advantage of the opportunity of daylight savings time in order to meet and chat with the neighbors outside last week. SA was riding around the driveway on her bike and struggling to pedal a little uphill. She very slowly and with all of her might (while standing up on the pedals and leaning to the right)rolled over my hammer toe with her right training wheel. A hammer toe is already an embarrassingly ugly appendage, and after being fractured and swollen it looks even more lovely. Anyway, the chaos that I have been hoping to quell in the house is just getting worse and so is my toe. It feels much better this weeek pain wise but it is pointing downward instead of out like the other toes. This makes walking, unpacking, cleaning, and chasing around my 17 month old more challenging and worrisome as I am hoping that I do not have an even more deformed toe than I did already. At least before I had no mobility issues. I went back to the doctor and they taped 3 of my toes together. Hopefully that will help and I will see a foot specialist next week. Oh la la. The drama. The whole move/ sharing a car/ transitioning thing was enough drama without this foot drama. But then as my good friend reminded me, "This too shall pass."

Still Reeling

To "reel" means to be in a whirl or to behave in a disorderly manner. Disorder characterizes my house at this time and I certainly feel as if I am in a whirl(a disorderly one? yes!) My children are not sure where they are when they wake up, and I do not find this surprising as we have been in two different temporary housing apartments- one in France and one here, then we moved into our house and took a road trip less than a week later to Nashville, and now we are back at "our house"- with suitcases still open on the floor, most things still lost in the mass of boxes, and furniture that is not quite arranged yet. To top it all off, Daddy is gone to Thailand for two weeks. SA has changed schools, they both have had various caregivers over the past couple of months, we have used several cars in the past couple of months,and we've visited different churches as well. Everything has changed for them, and while I feel in a whirl personally, I cannot imagine how they must feel at all of the life changes that have been happening lately. Not to overdramatize the situation, I know kids are resilient, and thank God, because in this family they have to be. This week especially, SA has been talking about her friends in France and telling me that she wants to go back there. I have to admit I have been pretty nostalgic this week and missing life there too. It's a strange sort of feeling- being back in the US but not really being connected here. I'm still connected to people there and my children are more connected to people there than here (barring the grandparents, of course). After all they have lived most of their lives in France and not the US. We do plan to remain connected to people there (I am hoping everyone gets their webcams ready soon), but I need to choose to live in the here and now and patiently wait for the connections that will be formed here, gradually.


This week I am looking forward to spending time with the girls and getting settled into our new home more (a process that it is sure to take months) and just getting comfortable in our new surroundings. Hopefully we will establish a new routine that will provide more stability and consistency to their little lives (and mine too). Routine is sort of comforting. Those "d'habitudes" that are so darn important to the French- lunch break promptly at noon, closed stores between 12 and 2, nothing open on Sunday, and random closed days depending on the store and/ or the town all make for a rhythm of life that is distinctly not American. All of the things that I used to wonder why they couldn't just break out of, seem rather comforting now. It is nice to know that some things are sure- you know like the sunrise and sunset- in France you just get the "this is the way we do things here" feeling. So, when I was there, some of those things seemed like frustrating inconvenient constraints, but I adjusted to them and now they seem comforting- I guess you can tell that I am ready to find a rhythm in my new life here.

Tonight when we pulled up to our house after having dinner with friends, SA said, "Are you sure this house is ours, Mommy?"

Tired of Transition

So last time I posted it had been one month since Chrsitmas and the packing up of my house. Today we have been in temporary housing for one month stateside and we were in temporary housing for a week in France. So, although I am very thankful for temporary housing, I am tired of it. Tonight I dsecided to take advantage of one of those take home your dinner places. So far I have seen several around town- Dream Dinners, Supper on the Table, Two Chefs, and Gourmet to Go. I knew it wouldn't be cheap, but then after having been in a small town with no restaraunt and only a French version of Gourmet to Go, I decided it was worth the splurge. After all, we ate way too much McDonanld's in France because it was just the only fast food option. (I've now switched to Chick-Fil-A) Anyway, $40 later and with NO WINE, I went home forcing D to open one from the cave. It was a stressful day and I really wanted to enjoy a nice wine with our $40 take out dinner. The dinner was good, and so was the wine, but I am sure we won't make a habit out of buying homemade take out.

We closed on the house Friday but I have no way of downloading pictures, so you'll just have to wait until our computer arrives. We found out today that our container is in the port of Charleston but was selected for an x-ray check. Hopefully we'll have our things this Friday but it could take longer to get through customs and pass the extra check. We are all so ready to have access to the rest of our closets, and our kitchen, and our computer, and our toys, etc. Also, just settling into our own space will be nice.

I am really missing fresh bread- found a drive thru at Atlanta Bread Company today and ordered a baguette. I was highly disappointed with the rubbery version of this traditional French favorite. Last week I tried Great Harvest Bakery- good bread, but just not the same as the boulangerie favorites that I loved. It seems that my baby misses French bread as well and feeding her has become ever so difficult. She throws everything on the floor (that would be on cream carpet in our apartment) I am so missing the dark red tile that I had throughoiut my house in France. Spaghetti sauce? No problem- no one could see it! I made most of her food there but without my food processor here it has been a challenge. I bought a manual food mill but she doesn't like the food that I grind with it. Sometimes Gerber makes her happy and at other times she just throws the whole bowl on the floor. Whoever thought carpet in the dining room was a good idea has never had a baby! I have found that she does like peanut butter crackers, so today she had them at both lunch and dinner after rejecting all the Gerber that I offered her. On the brighter side I found two of my French favorites here in Greenville- Mustela baby bath products and pomme pots! I am so pumped- who knew that I would grow so attached to applesauce in a tube? It is ever so handy for throwing at hungry fussy kids in the car while driving around trying to get this transition over with.

Back Home

We are back in the States. It has been three weeks now, and, although we are still in temporary housing, we are starting to feel like we really live here again. Starting over after having lived overseas is a long process as some of you are well aware. There is so much to do at one time just like there was so much to do at one time before we left France- that would be why I haven't posted in so long. Life has been pretty crazy and stressful but thankfully, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel of transition.

It is great to be closer to family when you need help with the kids. The grandparents had childcare duty almost full time for the first 2 weeks we were here while D and I searched for a house. We finally found one and I'll hopefully have pictures up soon. Now it's on to finding cars and setting up utilities and getting the move coordinated. It is SO nice that all of these things can be done in English this time, though! What a difference it makes to be back in one's home country. It is nice to know where to go to buy the things that we need and to be familiar with the city where we are resettling. And then, this time, I can actually figure out how my cell phone and appliances work because the manuals are in English! I can actually communicate on the phone with no difficulty and with the people at SA's school and the bank, etc. How refreshing to go to an English church service again and be able to worship in my mother tongue! It is just such a different world form where I am coming from though, and I cannot help but have a different perspective now after having lived abroad as a foreigner in a different culture. So, you may have noticed I have changed the title of the blog but the address will remain the same. I hope to begin posting regularly again soon especially when we get our computer set up in our new home.